Queer Death Salon is a virtual community space for all 2SLGBTQIA+ people to come together to discuss death, dying and grief.
It is a facilitated drop-in discussion space, with the purpose of building connection, skill, and resources for 2SLGBTQIA+ people navigating end of life in our personal lives and in our communities.
Attendees are welcome to come with questions, stories, or special objects to share with the group.
Tarot for Grief and Crisis
Tuesday June 23 at 7 p.m. EST
Participants will be led through Jungian, Hermetic, and Rider-Waite tarot traditions and what it means to read in different modalities, especially in times of grief or crisis.
We will explore the 7 Card Grief Spread by Emerald Lotus, Death Tarot Spread by Tina Gong, and a simple 3 Card Spread
Paticipants are encouraged to bring their own cards, favourite spreads, and questions
E (she/her/they/them), is a largely self-taught tarot reader of about 17 years. They primarily approach their reads from a Jungian or Archetypal standpoint, inviting people to explore the cards from a deeper psychological standpoint. She has also branched into other forms of cartomancy (lenormand, playing cards) and is a budding astrologer. They are also an author, cat owner, local community organizer, and hobby collector.
Speaking of hobby collecting, her links can be found here.
Sex, Death, and Kink
Join Badly Licked Bear for a deep conversation about the ways that sex and death are woven together in fetish, kink and BDSM, seen through and with a critical eye towards the realities and illusions of the “kink escalator,” which like the “relationship escalator,” both suggests and expects illusions of “progress” as a goal, while also looking at the advantages of living and playing and loving in both the deep and the shallow ends of the pool.
We will explore the very real notion that a lot of the most taboo or deep fetish and kink activities touch on our personal relationship with and experience of death, the implications of that relationship, and the possibilities of our engagement with these powerful forces.
Badly Licked Bear is an educator, storyteller, artist, and mutual aid worker. A former curator and college professor, she teaches, speaks, and writes at the intersections of film, culture, politics and sexuality. She also works as a voice and activist for transgender civil rights and practical, transformative sexuality in the BDSM, kink, and leather communities.
She is the author of the PBS Independent Lens Map of Gender-Diverse Cultures, I identify as a threat (it’s not just a meme), and Give Me Sodomy or Give Me Death. Her writing will be featured in the upcoming edition of Making Art During Fascism, published by the Feminist Center for Creative Work.Her creative work touches on apocalypse, Queer realism, and transgender surrealism, and can be found in the numerous collections, including that of the Museum of Modern Art, the Metropolitan Museum of Art, and the Art Institute of Chicago. She or her work has been featured in publications ranging from ArtNet to Adult Video News. In 2024, Badly was a recipient of a California x Culture Bearers & Artist Disruptors Award.
Badly Licked Bear is a Founder of the Council of Indigenous Leather, the recipient of the 2024 Unabashed Forefister Award, and currently serves as Mx. Strap Sucker Los Angeles 2025.
Follow Badly Licked Bear on Substack and Instagram
Flowers: Seasons of Rememberance
Flowers and plants invite us into the present moment with their ephemeral beauty. Observing the cycles of nature can anchor us in time and place when we feel adrift. While giving flowers is part of some traditions of mourning and honouring our beloved dead, this session will invite participants to go deeper into relationship with the living world of plants and flowers.
With Elena Potter of Violet Hour Flowers, we will begin by grounding the session in a land-based point of view on time, place, and memory. Participants will then be invited into a series of practices intended to foster reflection and observation, including journal prompts with optional sharing, and sensory/noticing practice with a plant companion.
Participants are encouraged to bring a plant or flower (a potted plant, a flower cut from your or a friend’s garden, a wild plant or plant part collected at a local park). An on-screen option will be provided. Participants may also wish to have a notebook and pen for journal prompts.
Elena Potter is a queer, Jewish, farmer femme of Celtic Isles and German heritage, living in the Humber River watershed and at the shores of Lake Ontario. She is a farmer-florist, land worker, community weaver, and artist. She values farming because working with land, with vegetables and flowers, helps create a pathway between the land itself and the people who eat and enjoy the crops.
Her floral practice, Violet Hour Flowers, honours seasons and place through creating everyday bouquets and celebration florals, using flowers she grows with ecological integrity on her micro flower farm. She loves to serve as a community flower witch for life milestones of all kinds, and uses flowers to offer beauty medicine for people and invite them into deeper relationship with the living world. Find her work or explore opportunities to collaborate at violethourflowers.carrd.co, @violet.hourflowers on instagram, or subscribe to her newsletter.
Intimacy At End Of Life
Tuesday September 8 at 7 p.m. EST
Medical interventions, hypersensitivities, decreased capacity for verbal communication, and pain can all contribute to a sense of isolation for both the dying and those attending to them. A dying person may experience an aversion to touch, cognitive changes, unclear capacity for consent, and even expressions of unexpected sexuality. The challenge of a partner or family member’s transition into a caregiving role often goes unacknowledged.
How do we support people facing these issues with compassion, confidence, healthy boundaries, and kindness? How do we navigate these issues if they arise with our own loved ones?
With tenderness and curiosity, we will reflect on our own experience, boundaries and values, and build more skill to confidently navigate the challenges of intimacy at the end of life, so that we can receive its gifts.
Vanessa Carlisle, PhD (they/them) is a graduate of the Going With Grace death doula training program and certified by the National End of Life Doula Association. Vanessa brings experience with in-home caregiving, DWD/EOLD, navigating hospital and hospice services, dementia care, and the complex family/community dynamics that arise with deaths due to violence, suicide, and overdose.
As a queer person with a background in harm reduction, they have a passion for supporting those who may not always feel safe in the medical, mental health, or other institutional systems. Vanessa’s work has been covered by NBC, they have presented at the GWG Doula Alumni Summit, the NEDA Doulapalooza Conference, and the Guaranteed Hospice Education series, and they offer guest lectures for therapists, social workers, and other people who will be caring for the grieving and the dying.
Vanessa authored the novel Take Me With You (Running Wild Press) and co-authored Awaken Your Sexuality: A Guide to Intimacy and Connection after Addiction and Trauma with Dr. Stephanie Covington (Hazelden Press).
More at vanessacarlisle.com
What is remembered, lives
Tuesday October 20 at 7 p.m. EST
You are invited into an experiential gathering to honour y/our beloveds who have passed, sending a thread forward to y/our queer descendants and anchoring into y/our current aliveness.
With ritualized practices, a guided meditation and space for sharing, this QDS is held near many celebrations of death such as Samhain, All Souls Day, Dia de los Muertos, Hallowe’en.
It is also the time of year when death is all around, the land begins to rest for winter before composting for spring. So, let’s follow that cycle of birth-alive-death-birth…..
Everything is optional and there will be multiple ways to engage, including listening/witnessing.
Sharon Pink (she/her) is a portuguese / polish queer leatherFemme witch who lives her time on the territories of the Squamish, Musqueam, Tsleil Waututh and Stó꞉lō peoples.
For the past 15+ years in witch and kink communities, she has led rituals, planned leatherQueer gatherings and much more. She is a Scorpio stellium who has been talking to spirits since childhood and looks forward to Samhian every year.
Using humour, awe, depth and care, Sharon aspires to be in ways that are anti-white supremacy, fat liberatory, gender affirming, leatherQueer celebratory, Elder & crone honoring and sex worker positive.
CLICK HERE TO REGISTER FOR UPCOMING QUEER DEATH SALONS
Participants are encouraged to bring their own questions, stories, and complexities to share.
As always, I’m interested in having meaningful discussion groups that engage participants. If there is a question, theme, topic, or guest speaker you are interested in, please take a moment to fill in this anonymous suggestion form. You can submit as many ideas as you like.
Setting and Access:
Queer Death Salons take place monthly, online over Zoom on Tuesday evenings at 7p.m. (Eastern Time) and are regularly attended by participants from all over the world. They are hosted in English with captions available and last about 90 minutes. Attendees are welcome to participate to their level of comfort. This means cameras can be on or off, people can unmute to speak, raise their hand to be called on, participate through chat, or simply listen in after the intro portion. Queer Death Salons are not recorded.
Pay What You Can:
The suggested donation is $30 and you’re encouraged to select a price that’s accessible to you, including $0. No one will be turned away for lack of funds. By paying the highest amount that you’re able, you make it possible for others with less access to resources to join this event.
Agreements for participation:
This is a space where we intentionally come together to discuss all aspects about death, dying, and grief. Global events, personal histories, and intimate details of our lives may come up and may bring up strong emotions. Participants are encouraged to do what they need for themselves in these situations.
Racism, homophobia, xenophobia, transphobia, antisemitism, islamophobia, ableism, and any other form of prejudice against a person or way of life will not be tolerated. Anyone engaging in prejudice towards another group member will be subject to immediate removal.
We are curious, open, and respectful – We assume good will, ask questions, and allow space for different experiences and points of view
We take care of ourselves – We stretch, take a break, eat, mute for a bit, drink, use restroom, connect with a friend, rest, call it a night, etc. as needed for our own well-being as individuals.
We keep confidentiality – We speak from personal experience and take home learnings while taking care not to identify anyone other than oneself. If we want to follow up with anyone regarding something they said during a session, we ask first and respect their wishes.
We use inclusive language – We speak using plain language and ask clarifying questions when we aren’t sure what someone means. We make effort to use gender-neutral language as appropriate.
We are all here because we want and choose to be here – We are free to leave at any time, for any reason.
Queer Community Deathcare 