Queer Death Salon is a virtual community space for all 2SLGBTQIA+ people to come together to discuss death, dying and grief.
It is a facilitated drop-in discussion space, with the purpose of building connection, skill, and resources for 2SLGBTQIA+ people navigating end of life in our personal lives and in our communities.
Attendees are welcome to come with questions, stories, or special objects to share with the group.
Intimacy At End Of Life
Tuesday September 8 at 7 p.m. EST
Medical interventions, hypersensitivities, decreased capacity for verbal communication, and pain can all contribute to a sense of isolation for both the dying and those attending to them. A dying person may experience an aversion to touch, cognitive changes, unclear capacity for consent, and even expressions of unexpected sexuality. The challenge of a partner or family member’s transition into a caregiving role often goes unacknowledged.
How do we support people facing these issues with compassion, confidence, healthy boundaries, and kindness? How do we navigate these issues if they arise with our own loved ones?
With tenderness and curiosity, we will reflect on our own experience, boundaries and values, and build more skill to confidently navigate the challenges of intimacy at the end of life, so that we can receive its gifts.
Vanessa Carlisle, PhD (they/them) is a graduate of the Going With Grace death doula training program and certified by the National End of Life Doula Association. Vanessa brings experience with in-home caregiving, DWD/EOLD, navigating hospital and hospice services, dementia care, and the complex family/community dynamics that arise with deaths due to violence, suicide, and overdose.
As a queer person with a background in harm reduction, they have a passion for supporting those who may not always feel safe in the medical, mental health, or other institutional systems. Vanessa’s work has been covered by NBC, they have presented at the GWG Doula Alumni Summit, the NEDA Doulapalooza Conference, and the Guaranteed Hospice Education series, and they offer guest lectures for therapists, social workers, and other people who will be caring for the grieving and the dying.
Vanessa authored the novel Take Me With You (Running Wild Press) and co-authored Awaken Your Sexuality: A Guide to Intimacy and Connection after Addiction and Trauma with Dr. Stephanie Covington (Hazelden Press).
More at vanessacarlisle.com
Chaos Reigns – Poverty & Grief
Tuesday September 22 at 7 p.m. EST
Growing up poor, going hungry, or struggling to meet your basic needs can create deep and invisible wounds. These experiences shape how you see the world, how safe you feel in your body, and how worthy you believe you are of receiving abundance.
Imogen Reid will guide participants in an exploration this unspoken (and spoken) grief.
What makes it unique?
What do we grieve?
How does that grief affect us?
What prevents us from engaging with that grief?
How does our grief connect us and bring us together?
Imogen Reid is the last of the feral trans women, a proud dirtbag, degenerate, and fuck up. She is a harm reduction advocate and educator, a former founding member of Communities Organizing for Harm Reduction, one of the first organized groups in Ottawa doing harm reduction before there were any safe sites. Imogen is a recovering drug addict, survivor, fighter, activist, shoplifter, parent, story teller, and the holder of the memories of her dead.
She is a visual artist, photographer, shitty punk musician, and author whose work explores themes of bodies, gender, queer desire, poverty, trauma, drugs/addiction and her own very weird life on this hell world we call home.
Check out some of her work on Instagram and at Sheer Spite Press and don’t forget to directly support her safe and stable housing.
Grief Gardening
Tuesday September 29 at 7 p.m. EST
In times of grief, many people find that a connection to land, earth, and the tending of life can help carry us through. It is well established that a connection to nature, no matter how small, helps improve our experiences of depression, anxiety, and sense of wellbeing.
Pulling from their their personal experiences, Eli will lead participants in a discussion about;
- the history of Grief Gardening through various cultural perspectives
- gardening as a tool for emotional processing and providing a sense of control and purpose
- creating sites for rememberance
- tending to a relationship with nature to encourage a sense of hope and renewal
He will also support participants with ideas about how to get started or expand on our grief gardens.
Eli (they/he) is a gardener and former landscaper, wetlands restorationist and wildlife biologist currently living on Ohlone land in Oakland. Mutual aid, covid realism, disability justice, queerness and art as well as gardening all help them with the little and big sources of grief that life brings us.
What is remembered, lives
Tuesday October 20 at 7 p.m. EST
You are invited into an experiential gathering to honour y/our beloveds who have passed, sending a thread forward to y/our queer descendants and anchoring into y/our current aliveness.
With ritualized practices, a guided meditation and space for sharing, this QDS is held near many celebrations of death such as Samhain, All Souls Day, Dia de los Muertos, Hallowe’en.
It is also the time of year when death is all around, the land begins to rest for winter before composting for spring. So, let’s follow that cycle of birth-alive-death-birth…..
Everything is optional and there will be multiple ways to engage, including listening/witnessing.
Sharon Pink (she/her) is a portuguese / polish queer leatherFemme witch who lives her time on the territories of the Squamish, Musqueam, Tsleil Waututh and Stó꞉lō peoples.
For the past 15+ years in witch and kink communities, she has led rituals, planned leatherQueer gatherings and much more. She is a Scorpio stellium who has been talking to spirits since childhood and looks forward to Samhian every year.
Using humour, awe, depth and care, Sharon aspires to be in ways that are anti-white supremacy, fat liberatory, gender affirming, leatherQueer celebratory, Elder & crone honoring and sex worker positive.
CLICK HERE TO REGISTER FOR UPCOMING QUEER DEATH SALONS
Participants are encouraged to bring their own questions, stories, and complexities to share.
As always, I’m interested in having meaningful discussion groups that engage participants. If there is a question, theme, topic, or guest speaker you are interested in, please take a moment to fill in this anonymous suggestion form. You can submit as many ideas as you like.
Setting and Access:
Queer Death Salons take place online over Zoom on Tuesday evenings at 7p.m. (Eastern Time) and are regularly attended by participants from all over the world. They are hosted in English with automatic captions available and last about 90 minutes.
Attendees are welcome to participate to their level of comfort. This means cameras can be on or off, people can unmute to speak, raise their hand to be called on, participate through chat, or simply listen in after the intro portion. Queer Death Salons are not recorded.
Pay What You Can:
The suggested donation is $30 and you’re encouraged to select a price that’s accessible to you, including $0. No one will be turned away for lack of funds. By paying the highest amount that you’re able, you make it possible for others with less access to resources to join this event. Registrations take lace on Eventbrite which has a minimum donation of $1. If this amount is inaccessible to you, please email us by 5 pm eastern time the day of the event to receive the zoom link for free.
Agreements for participation:
This is a space where we intentionally come together to discuss all aspects about death, dying, and grief. Global events, personal histories, and intimate details of our lives may come up and may bring up strong emotions. Participants are encouraged to do what they need for themselves in these situations.
Racism, classism, homophobia, xenophobia, transphobia, antisemitism, islamophobia, ableism, and any other form of prejudice against a person or way of life will not be tolerated. Anyone engaging in prejudice towards another group member will be subject to immediate removal.
We are curious, open, and respectful – We assume good will, ask questions, and allow space for different experiences and points of view
We take care of ourselves – We stretch, take a break, eat, mute for a bit, drink, use restroom, connect with a friend, rest, call it a night, etc. as needed for our own well-being as individuals.
We keep confidentiality – We speak from personal experience and take home learnings while taking care not to identify anyone other than oneself. If we want to follow up with anyone regarding something they said during a session, we ask first and respect their wishes.
We use inclusive language – We speak using plain language and ask clarifying questions when we aren’t sure what someone means. We make effort to use gender-neutral language as appropriate.
We are all here because we want and choose to be here – We are free to leave at any time, for any reason.
Queer Community Deathcare 